Why I Avoid Religion & Politics

“So,” I said.
And God looked over with a puzzled gaze.
“The tree thing,” I repeated.
Putting down His coffee on a Saturn ring,
He reflected for a moment.
I could tell I’d kindled
Not that puny burning bush stuff
He pulled on Moses in later years.
God was much younger.
He shone like…
Well, like God.
He was a lot brighter then.
He listened to me.

“I’ll think it over,” He said.
“Let you know later.”

That’s when he got the big head.
Decided to steal my ideas.
Not that I minded at first.
I’ve always been humble.
I let Him take credit.
Green leaves for the trees_
That photosynthesis was my idea.
The blueness of the sky_
That’s right.
“Let the mammals have fur,” I said.
And people…
Talk about being selfish.
He wouldn’t even let me feed them a couple of lousy apples.

Yeah, the people.

That’s when I got pissed.
All His bragging.
Then the Book came out,
And He thought He was such a hotshot.

So, I started pointing out
A few burning truths.
Whose idea it was to put
Calories in chocolate,
Hangovers in alcohol,
Boredom in love…

I guess you know the rest:
The media hype,
The settlement.
The settlement, hah.
Wasn’t that cute.
“Let him keep those ugly red PJ’s,” they said.

You know what I say.
To Hell with them.